I Struggle & I Emerge

Throughout these past few years I’ve been considered determined and thoughtful. 

People ask me how I overcome my struggles , but no one really overcomes them. You either learn from them or let them overcome you.

Growing up i never had a close relationship with my mother. I thought to myself that things would eventually change when I grew up.

I was 16 when my mom left. You never know pain when the one person you care about leaves because of you.

My mom blamed me for all her problems, she always made sure that I knew it was my fault.

I grew up with that mentality, I was afraid to get close to anyone because I didn’t want them to leave me when I most needed them, because of this I distant myself and lost many friendships.

My mom was the biggest part of my life. Not having her around made things very difficult for me.

I had to learn to be independent at a young age. I wasn’t completely alone, I had my uncle, brother and my grandma. My dad had taken my moms side and we became distant. I have 4 siblings, 3 brothers and 1 sister. Out of my 4 siblings I was only able to see one of them and that was my older brother because I lived with him. Your siblings become your best friends, no matter how much they make you mad you always forgive them because they’re family. Not having them around was lonely and quiet. 

I struggle trying to make the right choices, I was angry because their decision on leaving affected me in a negative way. I couldn’t see what was right from wrong.

I relied on what would make me happy and how it would benefit me. I didn’t think on how it would affect others. This led me to be alone and angry, angry because I blamed everyone else. And I was always right.

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